if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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