Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
