She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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