I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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