Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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