I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm bleeding and have questions
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
