i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had sex on a roof
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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