never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
