yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want to make a zoo with you.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So vagazzling was a success
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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