My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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