these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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