I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
