Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
