We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize