Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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