Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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