Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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