So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
