How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
