i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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