I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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