he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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