His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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