I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
