NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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