Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
