You just made me feel so damn special
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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