I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize