Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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