dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
