kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
