Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
