so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize