i just had sex bonerless
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
