yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
