I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
