Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
