I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
