Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
