I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
