You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
