I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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