When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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