Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize