We got so high we made milksteak
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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