thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
