i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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