Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
