Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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