I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
