Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
