You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
