Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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