I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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