I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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