Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
