In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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