I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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