If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
