I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My ass is underappreciated
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
