When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
and you fell through a lawn chair
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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