Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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