Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize