Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
