you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
