dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
